As Chinese as a Fortune Cookie?
Ok, I've had a breather since my last rant about 'looking Chinese' so now I will continue. This renewed interest is prompted by my visit to the seamstress at the bridal shop today. (No, by the way, you're not missing something. I'm NOT getting married - just a dress fitting)
Anyway, the seamstress and her assistant were Chinese and in fact, spoke Cantonese so I could understand them, but I'm sure they didn't suspect that I could understand them. When I looked in the mirror, I thought, "Oh my, how different I look from these other ladies?" So then I went through an inventory of physical features in my head and compared and contrasted, just to see how I would rate in 'looking Chinese'. Cause for sure, the seamstress and her assistant wouldn't be mistaken for any other ethnicity so I'm sure they don't face the same curiosity and doubt I do.
This is my laundry list:
Chinese hair = Black.
My hair = formerly black, currently black with my red/brown growing out. My hair used to be black, still is to a certain extent...Ands in case some people haven't heard of the latest breakthrough in the hairstyling industry, there are products called permanent hair colour. These boxes are available at the local drug store for under $10 or for a more professional look, visit your nearest hair salon. And although at first when I dyed my hair, it wasn't that noticeable, ammonia and bleach can surely wear down black hair over time. And it's not like I'm the only freakin Chinese person with coloured hair?!?! Sheesh.....
Chinese eye colour = Black.
My eye colour = black. Woo Hoo! I got one! And unlike some girls I know, I don't wear coloured contacts either!
Chinese eye shape/size = narrower, small or no eye lids...on SOME people. As there are currently over 1 billion people living in the actual country itself, there's bound to be some variations in appearances. Afterall, people from the North should look different from those from the South. That's how __________ (insert your religion's figurehead)/evolution works!
My eye shape/size = more oval, although not as big and round as some people. When I was little, my eyes were bigger but now I'm always tired...that's my excuse.
Chinese Skin = Fair.
My skin = Fair...Naturally. Hello, did you not see the great weather this past weekend? Yes, I love to tan and like other ethnicities, some people can tan while others can't. Fortunately, I can tan quite easily. Historically, only the farmers who toiled away in the fields all day got tanned while the aristocrats of the court sat comfortably in the shade. On the other hand, with the jet-setters taking over the 50s and 60s, having a tan was a status of wealth, representing the ability to travel. My reason for wanting to be tanned? It's very deep...I just like the way I look. Nothing more to it than pure vanity. Were you looking for a deeper answer? Come on, we're talking about a tan! Oh, and by the way, tanning beds are the greatest invention ever...
Chinese body shape/size = stereotypically....petite and slender
My body shape/size = hm......not petite and slender? Enough said. And no comments from any of you dumb asses out there either?!?! I'm a polar bear...everyone loves polar bears - cute and cuddly, but could kill you in a single stroke. Lazes around during the summer months and uses its energy reserves (aka. fat) to cope with the harsh Canadian winters. Survival of the fittest baby!
Chinese breast size = stereotypically....petite, to the point of being conclave
My breast size = hmmm....See comments above from 'My body shape/size'.
Chinese nose = Why are you reading this sentence? There's no such thing as a Chinese nose?!?!
All in all, it just goes to show you that I'm just as Chinese as any other person whose ancestors came from the Republic of China. Yes, somewhere down the line, I may have been related to the giants of Northern China (anyone heard of Yao Ming?) but I may have also been related to the little Chinese couple that runs the corner variety store and does Tai Chi in the park. Damn it peoples...there are over 1billion of us, and that's just on the mainland. If you include all of those who migrated, some of us are bound to look a little different? Perhaps there's no such thing as 'looking Chinese'....it's all in your head. It's a conspiracy and we're out to get you...
Anyway, the seamstress and her assistant were Chinese and in fact, spoke Cantonese so I could understand them, but I'm sure they didn't suspect that I could understand them. When I looked in the mirror, I thought, "Oh my, how different I look from these other ladies?" So then I went through an inventory of physical features in my head and compared and contrasted, just to see how I would rate in 'looking Chinese'. Cause for sure, the seamstress and her assistant wouldn't be mistaken for any other ethnicity so I'm sure they don't face the same curiosity and doubt I do.
This is my laundry list:
Chinese hair = Black.
My hair = formerly black, currently black with my red/brown growing out. My hair used to be black, still is to a certain extent...Ands in case some people haven't heard of the latest breakthrough in the hairstyling industry, there are products called permanent hair colour. These boxes are available at the local drug store for under $10 or for a more professional look, visit your nearest hair salon. And although at first when I dyed my hair, it wasn't that noticeable, ammonia and bleach can surely wear down black hair over time. And it's not like I'm the only freakin Chinese person with coloured hair?!?! Sheesh.....
Chinese eye colour = Black.
My eye colour = black. Woo Hoo! I got one! And unlike some girls I know, I don't wear coloured contacts either!
Chinese eye shape/size = narrower, small or no eye lids...on SOME people. As there are currently over 1 billion people living in the actual country itself, there's bound to be some variations in appearances. Afterall, people from the North should look different from those from the South. That's how __________ (insert your religion's figurehead)/evolution works!
My eye shape/size = more oval, although not as big and round as some people. When I was little, my eyes were bigger but now I'm always tired...that's my excuse.
Chinese Skin = Fair.
My skin = Fair...Naturally. Hello, did you not see the great weather this past weekend? Yes, I love to tan and like other ethnicities, some people can tan while others can't. Fortunately, I can tan quite easily. Historically, only the farmers who toiled away in the fields all day got tanned while the aristocrats of the court sat comfortably in the shade. On the other hand, with the jet-setters taking over the 50s and 60s, having a tan was a status of wealth, representing the ability to travel. My reason for wanting to be tanned? It's very deep...I just like the way I look. Nothing more to it than pure vanity. Were you looking for a deeper answer? Come on, we're talking about a tan! Oh, and by the way, tanning beds are the greatest invention ever...
Chinese body shape/size = stereotypically....petite and slender
My body shape/size = hm......not petite and slender? Enough said. And no comments from any of you dumb asses out there either?!?! I'm a polar bear...everyone loves polar bears - cute and cuddly, but could kill you in a single stroke. Lazes around during the summer months and uses its energy reserves (aka. fat) to cope with the harsh Canadian winters. Survival of the fittest baby!
Chinese breast size = stereotypically....petite, to the point of being conclave
My breast size = hmmm....See comments above from 'My body shape/size'.
Chinese nose = Why are you reading this sentence? There's no such thing as a Chinese nose?!?!
All in all, it just goes to show you that I'm just as Chinese as any other person whose ancestors came from the Republic of China. Yes, somewhere down the line, I may have been related to the giants of Northern China (anyone heard of Yao Ming?) but I may have also been related to the little Chinese couple that runs the corner variety store and does Tai Chi in the park. Damn it peoples...there are over 1billion of us, and that's just on the mainland. If you include all of those who migrated, some of us are bound to look a little different? Perhaps there's no such thing as 'looking Chinese'....it's all in your head. It's a conspiracy and we're out to get you...
posted by glor at 4:42 p.m.
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